Put Down the Donut and Stop the Train Wreck!

Well, time to 'fess up'. Since the beginning of October, through sister reunion and on, my eating plan has been a train-wreck! The good thing about this is that there are so many lessons to be learned. For instance, discipline, self-control and responsibility. What had happened is I had gone back to the "diet mentality" which translates to: good times (eating according to plan) versus bad times (being out of control and eating whatever whenever). UGLY!

For several months I was cautious with what I ate. Did the food decrease inflammation? Then it was a good choice. Did the food cause inflammation? Then AVOID at all costs. I felt better with less swelling, more stamina and energy. So good eating and foregoing culprit foods was well worth the sacrifice. The rheaumatoid arthritis wasn't cured but it was more manageable. Here was the natural way to add to my healing and health.

Then, within a short time on the Humira, I discovered something wonderful - it was working! YES! AWESOME! I also found that when I ate a forbidden food it didn't cause me to flare up with pain. YAHOO! So, consequently, one bad food choice led to another and to another...until the train derailed! My body started suffering and inflammation and pain grabbed hold again. Ouch!

So what have I been learning? That now is the time to learn balance. Its great that there are times when I can enjoy sugar, wheat or dairy but beware of my old mindset that causes the train to derail - that old "all or nothing" mentality with eating. For years this was how I was with weight loss diets - This isn't about that anymore. It is about feeling better and experiencing less pain. Thankfully, the foods that reduce inflammation taste great. They are healthy, nourishing foods that heal and build the body. They are the foods that should make up the majority of my diet.

BUT - When there's a special event then enjoy - participate but don't be a train wreck! Get back on track and move forward. I'm in my late 50's and only God knows the number of my days. Wouldn't it be great to know that good choices dietarily could mean I would have the best health possible as the years progress? The answer to that is a resounding YES!

"Blessed is the one whom God corrects, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty" Job 5: 16

Exercising - My Way

Every RA article you read includes a reminder to exercise. In the days prior to my life changing diagnosis, lengthly walks were one of my favorite pasttimes. There was always so much to see and hear as you walked along enjoying the view and fresh air. If someone asked me what I miss most prior to RA, it would be my solitary walks. It was therapuetic thinking and praying time for me. It was restorative, energizing, and the list goes on...Ahhh!!!!

So now I'm encouraged to continue exercising but I am learning how to modify traditional exercise to an RA friendly version that can be effective for me now. For example:

Exercise #1: Morning stretches- Several years ago, my chiropractor taught me some preventative stretching exercises to help my lower back. I still do these stretches every single morning before getting up. Although the location has changed from the floor to the bed (I'd like to get on the floor but that would mean I'd have to get UP from the floor! Now, THAT would be heart pumping exercise!).

Exercise #2: Standing up straight - who'd of thunk it but that is exercise for me. Getting and keeping my shoulders properly positioned and my back erect takes more effort now and "muscle memory" throughout the day. Anyone who has dealt with chronic pain knows it makes you curl forward - sort of in a self protecting stance. To straighten up with correct posture takes effort and even more effort to maintain. So to me this is exercise to work at throughout the day. "Sit up straight", yup, Mom was right!

Exercise #3: Walking - I still go for walks but sometimes I might need a cane. Now I walk with a slow, deliberate pace instead of fast and energetic like the old days, but believe me I'm still expending a lot of  energy. When time allows I will walk a bit on my lunch hour. There is an area near my office building that is fairly flat and easy for me to handle. The hills of Idyllwild are presently too difficult for me. Strangely I can handle the "up" pretty well but the "down" side is painful on my knees and legs.  AND what goes up must come down!

Exercise #4: Yoga for Arthritis - My younger daughter gave me this great DVD and I can do a few segments of it pretty well. I love the reminder to breathe through every movement. Just breathe! Such a restorative thing to do as I fill my lungs with good air and in the exhale, release tension and pain. Wonderfully restful yet energizing!

It is a treat when we plan a shopping day and I can manage the walking that entails but I have learned now more than ever that we live just one day at a time. I try and enjoy the day out, and though there might be a few rest stops needed, it is wonderful to be with a family member or a friend for the day.

I'll try to keep focusing on God's amazing wonderfulness and see the gift of each day as it is precious and not to be squandered. OOPS! I should add Exercise #5 which is the most important! Keep the Faith!

Our day in Court

Living in the mountains we burn our wood burning stove all winter long. Mike likes to get his permit every year and get out in the woods with his chainsaw bringing in the wood to keep us warm. Men and power tools (i.e.chainsaws) is adrenaline pumping good clean fun! Until...Mike recently got in trouble with the forest service for chopping down a dead tree - a federal offense. He had thought the law stated "dead or down" trees but it was dead AND down trees. So off to court we go. Thankfully the court was lenient and Mike received a $75 fine and court fees of $35. A total of $110. Ahhh! We both breathed a sigh of relief on that one!

After we left the courthouse we happily headed to our car where I noticed something sticking under the windshield...and you guessed it, a ticket! We were parked in a handicap space and my handicap placard had expired 3 days before! The ticket was for $360! Good grief! We headed over to the office that had issued the ticket and pleaded our case. I thought it was good through the end of October! An honest mistake on my part so we wanted to try and see if we could get a lesser sentence. We will find out in 2 to 3 weeks what the verdict is.

I told my sisters, Mike and I try our best to stay on the right side of the law but here we were in one day dealing with two offenses. Who were we Bonnie and Clyde? My sister, Marcia said, and I quote: So let me get this straight....you are envisioning that Bonnie and Clyde would have gotten OLD enough to even want to cut down a DEAD tree and then get CAUGHT chopping down said dead tree and that Bonnie would have WANTED to go to the courthouse with senior Clyde where she gets CAUGHT with an expired HANDICAPPED sticker in the getaway car...

Well put it that way I guess we are still good law abiding citizens who are enjoying the warmth of a nice wood fire while our 'getaway car' is safely parked in the driveway in full view (minus the handicap placard of course!).

An Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. -Melody Beattie    (Copied from Joscelyn's facebook post)

How true is this reminder! No matter what your physical life is like - good health or challenging health - counting your blessings, living in thankfulness or practicing an attitude of gratitude makes all the difference in the world to how we will respond to situations.

We ourselves, or those we love, may be suffering challenging family issues, personal hurts, deep financial stress or health challenges. Situations that cause one to feel frustrated and lose heart. That's where counting blessings can help the hurting heart re-discover what they can be thankful for. It is an age old Biblical practice that has made the difference in countless lives. Besides the fact that when we wallow in the hurts, regardless of how justified, it will do us very little good. We will find that the pit keeps getting deeper and you won't feel any better. It never changes the situation for good.

But, it sometimes takes practicing an attitude of gratitude to turn our hearts around. It doesn't always come easily. I like to use the word practicing because it may take some effort to acheive. It may take spiritual and emotional exercise to find we can get the victory over a grumbling and hurtful attitude. What does seem true is that practicing an attitude of gratitude helps it to become a more natural response. Our relationship with our loving Savior makes it easier to acheive because of what He has done and does for us everyday. HE is our strength! Through Him we experience the peace that passes understanding; through Him we are constantly learning the WALK of FAITH and not reliance on our tunnel vision human sight and abilities.

So I've got some practicing to do! "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and ALL that is within me bless His holy name!" Psalm 103:1 

Sister Weekend Anticipation

My three lovely sisters

As many of you know, I have three sisters and the four of us girls have made it a point to get together once a year for "sister weekend". This year we are having our weekend up at my home in Idyllwild because the sisters decided it would be best for me to do the least amount of traveling. Thanks girls, I really do appreciate that AND the scenery in this mountain community is awesome making Idyllwild a great getaway destination.

This has been a big year for all four sisters. Lots of challenges and opportunities to hopefully mature in The Lord. We plan to all bring meaningful verses that have encouraged us throughout this past year to share with one another. So one of the things I anticipate is some tearful but joyful expressions of thanksgiving as we share how God's hand has sustained and guided us.

Another thing I anticipate is...plenty of chocolate! All four of us girls take after our mother in appreciating the sheer pleasure of great chocolate. Sees candy for example! Mom had a code for us girls when she would be laid up in the hospital on strict diets, etc. She would say  to us "ACQ". This meant "Administer Chocolate Quickly"! She might say this right while a doctor was standing at her bedside talking to her! We were glad to take our top secret instructions and comply to her simple request as this was one pleasure she should never have to do without! So, carrying on the tradition we will ACQ aplenty during the weekend!

I anticipate plenty of great discussions, a few tears and plenty of laughter. I also anticipate some "arm dancing toe tapping and head bopping" as we listen to the Zydecats and other favorite tunes while we play dominoes or Euchre (a great card game midwesterners are familiar with). If someone were to videotape these game sessions it could seriously be used against us. So no cameras allowed! At least for that part of the weekend!

Lastly I anticipate we won't get a lot of sleep but we can make up for that later because "sister time" is precious and we plan on making the most of it! Mom would be so proud!

Clutziness and RA

Do any of you with RA deal with a newfound level of clutziness? I have always been quite the clutz but wow, have things gone south in that direction quickly!

I grab something out of the fridge and watch helplessly as it slips through my hands and onto the tile floor. Should I consider carpeting my kitchen floor? Well, maybe not, but I must remember to get a better grip on things, that's for sure. Now to remember that thought when I need it...maybe short term memory loss is hitting me too! Yikes, I don't even want to go there right now!

Yesterday I was going to pour some grape juice into a glass. All of a sudden the half gallon container fell to the floor. Of course the lid was already off and the lovely purple liquid spilled everywhere including under the fridge! So what are you going to do? Laugh or cry? This is always my first thought when these things happen. I'm trying to choose laughing but there have been occasions I'm tempted to burst into tears as I realize my hands just can't do what they use to. When the RA is active in my hands I have nicknamed them "flippers". You can still do stuff but you might have to get more creative on how to do things with flippers instead of fingers! Thankfully, usually I don't have flipper hands!!

Lessons learned: 1) Try to slow down and be sure I have a firm grasp on things before picking them up 2) From now on my shopping trips for kitchen ware will be in the aisle featuring plastic options! And a word to the wise, don't let me hold your baby!

A lesson from my Grandchildren

Mike and I are blessed with 3 grandchildren and a 4^th on the way. Thankfully we live within 25 miles of our two daughters and their families.

As we live in the mountain community of Idyllwild we do our best to see our precious eldest daughter and her darling little 2 year old Gianna as often as possible. We also have Gianna stay with us for a weekend each month so we can have lots of memory making time with her.

My youngest daughter lives just around the corner so we thankfully get to see them and their children often. Yesterday was one of the days we spent with them so mom and dad could have some dinner/date time.

Levi is almost 5 and he is a wonderful older brother. He loves little Mabry, helping her with her puzzles and making sure she is safe when they play. She in turn looks up to him with the adoration only a 2 year old can show so completely with her upturned face and eyes full of admiration as she watches him. What can’t he do? In her eyes the answer is probably nothing!

It got me to thinking – what about my eyes of love and admiration? Do I keep them focused on my loving God who always cares for and never forgets us?  He is our loving God and Father. Do I look at Him knowing He can do anything, anytime and perfectly?

It was one of those little lesson reminders that got tucked into my heart. That night I woke up and went over to the window to look out at the darkness of the nighttime forest. I gazed up at the brilliant stars shining down faithfully. The stars God had placed there and that in years past were what guided the ships safely at sea. How faithful God is! I stood there in awe and gratefulness for the wondrous display above me. Usually I’m sound asleep while these stars shine above our little house but tonight God had called me to this moment of communion with Him. After crawling back into bed – my overwhelmed heart reflected on the beautiful Psalm that says: “When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; What is man that you are mindful of him and the son of man that You visit him...”

Thank you Lord for these reminders that surround us – from our grandchildren to the stars. WOW!

A day at the Getty

A few weeks ago my youngest daughter suggested we have a girl’s day out at the J.P. Getty Museum in Los Angeles. We both love this place. It is well worth the trip if you live anywhere near enough to LA. The idea sounded good to me!  After all I had been feeling pretty good lately and my stamina has improved steadily over the past few months, thanks, in part I believe, to the dietary changes I’ve been practicing.

We got a nice early start, hit minimal traffic on the way, and arrived shortly after they opened their gates. Hmm…now to unfold myself from the car. Had I forgotten that a car trip might stiffen me up? I pulled myself together, loosened up those weary muscles and joints, and we started off. Oops, today was the day I had taken my methotrexate and like many of you that makes me feel a bit tired and nauseous. So I suggested we have lunch early as it was hitting me hard. Lunch service wouldn’t start for 20 minutes so we looked around a bit without committing to any major exhibit we hoped to enjoy at our leisure after we ate. We walked down many stairs – where was that elevator (!?) and enjoyed a healthy and heartening lunch. Feeling much better we made our way over to an exhibit about Paris – fashions, arts and lifestyle of Paris (circa.1750ish).

Hmmm...what is it about standing as opposed to walking that makes me extra achy and weary? Anyone else out there experience that? So my sweet daughter sensing my distress went and checked out one of the complimentary wheelchairs. At this time I should mention she is 7 months pregnant with child number 3. There were a few stares from folks as my dear daughter pushed me around in the wheelchair. Often I tried to use it as a walker instead to give her a break.

Time was of the essence.  We hoped to leave The Getty early enough to beat the worst of the afternoon traffic. So we came up with a game plan to prioritize what our favorite exhibits were. We meandered through several rooms and exhibits and did our best to enjoy everything knowing we had to keep an eye on the time. It amazes us both that you are able to study the paintings so closely – priceless works of art by timeless artists!  One of our favorite things to enjoy at the Getty are the amazing gardens. They were closed that day but even closed we could view enough to see an array of beauty that is hard to beat. Then it was time to head home.

Things I learned: 1) Take advantage of these opportunities and DO what you can for these times are precious! My daughter agreed. 2) Relax, and don’t stress over missed exhibits. You’re there making the effort and isn’t the important thing to enjoy the experience, the company, and your day out together? 3) Start looking for a nice used seated walker. They come in great colors and one of my dear sisters wants to get me streamers for the handlebars.  :-)

The $800 mistake!

In the blog about medications I mentioned that the directions for using Humira was overkill. Well folks, there has been an event to humble me on that score. A couple of weeks ago when I was preparing to do the Humira injection, I felt so confident. There was nothing to this at all. So the directions were set aside and I pressed on with the task at hand. Yup, easy as pie...got it covered...could do this in my sleep - you get the drift.

So as I lay down on the couch to do the injection procedure, I took off the two caps confidently and pressed the WRONG END ONTO MY FLESH, and as this was the release button for the medication and not the end with the needle, I watched as the Humira shot up into the air about 4 feet in a fine stream of fluid. You know how it is when your mind doesn't quite grasp what your eyes are seeing and you think, WOW what is that stuff going up into the air? And then BAM you realize what the stuff is that is shooting up into the air and not into your body and you say to yourself, 'its your medication, goofball'! Thankfully my thumb never made it onto the other end, the one I had assumed was the release button but was actually the shot end, or my thumb would be trying to absorb all that medicine and with my luck I'd be swollen up like a tick!

A little side note here: on the box of Humira it says the cost is $3200 for four shots without insurance. Can you even believe that! With insurance it is thankfully $30 a month! So when I told my daughter what had happened, she said - "you just made an 800 dollar mistake!" In my case it was a $7.50 mistake but still! Then she said, "That would be a great title for your next blog!"

So here it is, a mistake that will hopefully never be repeated. In fact since that little incident,  those detailed instructions will be reviewed before moving ahead with the dosage!

Earlier I said it was easy as pie...make that humble pie.  A taste I've grown familiar with!

Dietary choices for RA

Shortly after discovering I had RA I went to the internet in search of natural options to medication. There were so many opinions out there. I tried a few supplements and made a few diet changes, no sodas or coffee/caffeine, except for my cup of green tea in the morning, are two changes I've stuck with but nothing seemed to change the progression of the disease.

A gluten free diet was suggested by several people so I did that faithfully for 6 months. At the end of the 6 months my husband asked me how I was doing and I had to say, "not too good". I was stiff and sore every morning and the diet had not made an observable improvement. So that night I enjoyed the bread basket when we dined out at one of our favorite restaurants. That bread was delicious! So I was back to eating what sounded good at the time for several months.

After a particularly challenging flare up that resulted in the doctor ordering me a wheelchair to use when necessary, I felt a pang of desperation that my life was spiraling quickly towards disability. So I researched on-line afresh. One thing I read was that a 3 day fast for RA patients made them symptom free but that once they began to eat again their symptoms returned. Doesn't this show that there had to be something dietary that could be adjusted that would reduce inflammation and pain? What foods caused inflammation? What foods lessened it?

I found some study results that said a vegan/gluten free diet showed good success with RA victims. Eliminating dairy and wheat products together was something I hadn't tried before. So I started following both these diets. I also eliminated sugar and began to make fresh vegetable juice almost everyday. There was definitely improvement. The main thing I noticed was that the swelling was reduced and I had more energy and stamina. I ate beans, lentils or raw nuts everyday for my protein. I also lost weight which could only be beneficial to my joints.

After 10 weeks on the diet I began to add in fish, goat cheese and chicken as protein sources on occasion and continued to feel good. I found that the substitute vegan cheeses did not appeal to me and that eating as natural as possible was more desirable than having "substitute foods".  Some treasures I discovered included brown rice tortillas from our local health food store. This meant I could have Mexican rice and beans  for burritos, minus the cheese - divine. Another wonderful treat was "Coconut Bliss" frozen dessert. It is all natural and uses agave syrup instead of sugar. So I have a little of that a few times a week for a special treat. My youngest daughter found special recipes and has made me wonderful yummies to enjoy for special occasions. Bless you my dear!

At this point I have been following these dietary changes for 4 months and continue to feel better. The medication change from Enbrel to Humira was 5 weeks ago so that may be one of the reasons for continued improvement as well. Regardless I have been rejoicing in the results. Thank you Lord!

I'm still not able to easily manage a walk of more than a quarter of a mile but I hope to see improvement continue on that front as well. In the meantime it feels great to have increased energy in order to enjoy my grandchildren and to make it through a full day rather than being exhausted by mid afternoon.

The discipline of these dietary changes have taught me they are well worth any sacrifice. Discipline - that can only be good for me, right? I have been learning to look at the abundance of food I can enjoy and not dwell on what I miss out on...like a cheesy thick crust pizza! :-) OOPS! Maybe I better get out for a little walk instead of thinking about that pizza!

Trusting God for His Healing Touch

Praying for healing; one of the things all of us who have faced illness do. We see the promises in God's Word and ask for His healing hand to touch us. We have those who love us remembering us in prayer too. What great comfort this brings to us when we discover someone has been praying for us!

So what about it? Will I be healed? When I study the gospels and read what Jesus lovingly did as He touched those who sought His healing. They were all healed. Everybody. All the time. His disciples in the early days continued to see amazing works performed in the name of Jesus. Missionaries in the mission field see hearts open to healing and receiving a miracle. Many friends have experienced God's healing touch and what a testimony they have to share!  So I too can bring my requests before the throne of the Lord and pray for healing. But here I am still dealing with RA. Don't I have enough faith? Why is time passing without my becoming totally free of the challenges of RA?

I have seen Christians tormented by similar scenarios when they pray for healing but it doesn't happen when they expect it. They question themselves, they lose their focus, they become discouraged, they feel like a failure. STOP! Don't go there. Look at the above statements - THEY question themselves, they LOSE their focus, and so forth. People, it isn't about us! We pray, ask and believe His promises but, if for now, we are waiting on His healing touch then we must not lose our joy, our focus or our thankful hearts.

Trials such as health issues can reap huge benefits to our souls that days of health will never accomplish. We turn to the Word of God with new hope and we experience the closeness of the Lord when we face stormy days. If everything were wonderful all the time - nothing but sunny days and skipping in the meadow - we would never grow up into the call of the Lord. Faith in Jesus is not like a Pepsi machine where you put in your coins and voila out comes your reward - just what you wanted! He uses difficulties, trials and times of waiting in a Christian's life not only for our own good but as a testimony to others. Everyone in the world suffers, hurts and despairs. In fact when a person faces huge trials and they don't have the answer of faith in Christ - how terrible those days are for them. How bleak their future seems. BUT when we are secure in a relationship with Jesus Christ, we have the answer! We have hope! We can experience great peace and joy in the midst of the darkest day. Philippians 4:7 says He gives us "peace that passes all human understanding" Sign me up! That is a promise that will carry me through life. He gives us "Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that we might be trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that HE might be glorified" (Isaiah 61:3).

So fellow Christian pray and trust for His healing touch but don't miss the joy in the journey - don't waste a minute feeling you don't have enough faith - start praising God! Change your focus and rejoice IN the journey and you will discover the joy that comes from placing your hand in His and saying "Yes, Lord!"

Praise the Lord, oh my soul!

My Inspirational Mother

My 3 sisters and I had the most amazing mother. She lived a rich amazing life though God called her to her heavenly home 20 years ago at the age of 61. It is important to me that I share some things about her with you because mom was the most inspirational woman in my life.

A pastor's wife and mother of four, my mother Roberta, loved life with joyful passion. She always seemed to be smiling. When she was in her early thirties our young family moved to a new home. As she packed up old volumes of books she inhaled mold and became very ill. The doctor didn't know what had happened to this young woman and diagnosed her with walking pneumonia. Within a short time the lung damage was irreversible, and mom, for the rest of her life, would deal with serious debilitating and progressive health issues affecting her lungs and eventually her heart. As her condition deteriorated she could be less and less active in her role as mother to 4 young daughters between the ages of 4 and 10. Soon mom was in and out of the hospital frequently and, once she returned home, would be confined to the bed for weeks at a time. Family members stepped in to help with the needs of the daughters and Dad, who worked doubly hard now as he continued to pastor the church God had called him to while devoting time to his wife and children. Our dear Aunt Ethel often lived with us and kept our home running efficiently with her tender loving care.

Many times mom would be hospitalized in critical condition and we would hear the phone ringing in the middle of the night to summon our father to her bedside in what may be her last hours. I remember watching him from my bedroom window one night as he dug out the car after a huge Michigan snowfall to head to the hospital 30 miles away. Miraculously mother would recover and be restored to us until the next bout of infection would hit again.

Through these years, my parents learned to study and believe the promises in the Bible like never before. Their faith grew and they clung to God as He lead them through the dark valley. Now, years later, looking back I realize that mom must have suffered far greater in seeing others stepping in to raise her precious daughters then she ever suffered physically. She must have had to learn that difficult lesson most parents don't really begin to grasp until their children reach adulthood...the lesson: to prayerfully release their children to God for they are His anyway. To believe with all their hearts that He will hold those dear children, their hopes, dreams and futures in His loving hands. I imagine her hanging onto God's promises about children, such as Isaiah 54:13, "All your children shall be taught by the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children". Promises like this one might have helped strengthen her faith for our futures. I can tell you that she was a woman who grew ever more beautiful as time passed and more joyful in countenance. Thankfully she would eventually have months at a time of fairly good health and her gratefulness for the "everyday" was a wonderful thing to observe.

When she passed away the four sisters bond grew stronger than ever. We had all reached adulthood by then and she had been able to hold every one of her grandchildren in her arms. You could see on her face the gratitude that God allowed her the gift of time to enjoy seeing and praying over her young grandchildren before He called her home. After mother's passing, the sisters learned to turn to each other with parenting questions that required a female perspective as well as requests for prayer. We became tightly bound in spirit. Maybe in a sense we became mother figures as well as sisters to one another. At least once a year the sisters get together for a sister reunion. It is something we look forward to with great anticipation.

I want to express my gratitude to my mother, father and dear sisters for all the amazing lessons they have taught me through the years. When I was diagnosed with RA I identified with my mother in a whole new light. Having observed the way my parents faced her illness, the way my mother clung to the hand of the Lord, were among the memories that aided me in facing my own physical battle with far less uncertainty. What an example I have had in my mother and for that I will be forever and eternally grateful. Love you Mom!

Learning to deal with Stress

What had caused the RA gene inside of me to activate? Was there anything I could change in my lifestyle? How about stress? RA is very stressful due to the pain, swelling and demands on your physical and emotional self. And stress is an inducer to flare ups so one of the first things I focused on was how was I handling stresses in my life?

Everyone has issues that cause stress - family dynamics, our job, finances and life in general...but was I internalizing stress or was I truly a prayer warrior AND trusting in the Lord for His faithfulness? Go to the Word - that is where all answers can be found. I started challenging myself on whether I was a hearer of the Word or a doer of the Word. Now that I was faced with dibilitating health issues it challenged my faith on a whole new level. I must continue to stand on the promises of God. This doesn't just happen it takes practice and perseverence and continual reminding to yourself. Did I grasp that suffering was not something to fear but a way to draw me deeper into fellowship with my loving Savior? His Word IS truth! So the scriptures that I read began to take on stronger deeper meaning. What did I have to fear? Fear is a huge stressor. Fear of the unknown. We all deal with this but we can grow more and more victorious through this. God never fails. He is never surprised at what is happening. He never says - "Whoa, what happened here?" He is omnicient, omnipresent and omnipotent. Did I realize that I control very little in my life but He controls everything all the time! There is a saying "focus on your problems and God seems small, focus on God and your problems are small". This is so true.

What is helpful to me that you might want to try if you haven't already, is to write down scriptures that speak to your heart. Tape the verse on your mirror or put it in your pocket to take out and reflect on several times a day. How helpful these steps proved to me because pain makes you forget quickly and pulls your focus. Fight the good fight of faith and use tools that are helpful to you on the battleground. We can know victory and peace - HIS peace that passes our frail human understanding. Of course I continue to pray for physical healing but nearly three years into this I can truly say, "Thank you Lord! I am grateful for the journey you are taking me on!" We can learn so much that we could never grasp during easy times. How fresh is the fragrance of the air after a storm, and rain and storms are necessary to keep things cleansed and watered. He has been cleansing and watering my soul - calling me to fellowship in His sufferings. This suffering of mine is small and insignificant in comparison to what He did for me on the cross. Yet He is always present and guiding me through every challenge.Thank you Lord!

The next thing I started trying to be aware of is to relax as much of my body as I could. Pain causes surrounding muscles and areas to tighten and I realized I needed to work on this. Good old Lamaze! BREATHE - deeply - BREATHE and release my muscles. This is challenging when there is pain but extremely helpful to aid our bodies towards rest.

SIMPLIFY - 'Keep it simple' is one of my husband's favorite sayings. Just ask our two daughters! Learning to simplify is key to dealing with RA. There have been days that getting through a work day uses up all my strength. So that means resting as soon as I get home and heading to bed with the chickens! Thankfully, my husband has been super understanding about picking up dinner on his way home or stopping at the grocery store if necessary. He is my hero! 

Another way to simplify is learning to prioritize family, church and work events. I love my grandchildren so much! But some days I must watch them play and love them from the armchair rather than playing a game on the floor. (Wait, what was I thinking? I can't get up from the floor without leaving all grace and dignity behind) So, thank goodness for books and that all three of my grandkids love to sit and read.

Be flexible with your lifestyle - My husband and I now leave functions early or beg off events entirely if my body is not up to cooperating. I had always been an avid walker prior to contracting RA and now there are days where walking through the grocery store feels like I have accomplished a great physical feat! I appreciate grocery carts in a whole new light - they work as excellent walkers!

The last thing I want to share is to give yourself permission to mourn, cry and lament when absolutely necessary and then get back on the trail of acknowledging God and His call on your life as soon as possible. Remember there are so many people who are in similar, and sometimes far more challenging battles than you are. Count your blessings my dear sisters and brothers and never ever give up!

Adventures in Medication

As all of us with RA know the medication aspects of the journey is fraught with trial and error. I am one of those awful people who didn't write all the medications I've tried down. What I can tell you is there have been several and for some reason all the meds have 3 or 4 syllables and are full of q's and x's and z's. What are the drug companies thinking?

The medications that have remained constant through the journey are methotrexate and prednisone in varying dosages. The prednisone ups and downs are challenging and, for me, I'm one that has to withdraw extra slowly. Sometimes half a mg. at a time for a few weeks, and then drop another half a mg. Currently I'm at 7 and hope to get down to 5 which is suppose to be my maintenance dose (if I can't successfully go lower). My goal for a long time was to hit 0 mg of prednisone but that has not been possible so my attitude has changed. 5 mg. sounds fine now and that little pill really work wonders despite the many side effects. It has proved to be a necessary evil for me.

In fact that's mainly the lesson learned that I want to share - my medication attitude adjustment. All my life I had not been one to take OTC medications except on rare occasions. Now they were prescribing things I couldn't even pronounce with long sections on side effects the pharmacist hands you. Wow, how things had changed. Don't you love the commercials for medications that show a person running through the field with balloons and flowers, while the announcer is telling you all the horrific side effects? So for some time I have been trying to reduce medications and dosages with the hope that medications would be entirely done away with because those side effects sound as bad as what you're taking the drug for! However I have had to learn that, for me, RA with medications WHILE doing all I can dietary wise is OK too. After all, functioning and maintaining my life is one of my main goals. It isn't about the medications. It is about continuing to trust in God. He is ALWAYS in control. Haven't I been striving to practice living in Thankfulness? "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (I Thess 5:18). The RA, the medications, the whole experience was to be enfolded in thankfulness to God. Counting my blessings can only improve my spiritual vision.

Now for the two medication biggies: Enbrel and Humira. I was on Enbrel for the past year. At first the Enbrel was hugely helpful but gradually it helped less and less and the flare-ups were very active and long. Recently the doctor switched me over to Humira and I've had two doses of that so far (once a week). She said it might be 3 - 6 months to know if Humira would be successful for me and so far so good.

When the doctor switched the prescription she assured me that Enbrel was just like Humira and I would have no trouble administering the injection. However, when I picked up the Humira and saw how different the "pen injector" looked, my confidence didn't equal the doctor's so I requested a nurse visit for assistance. No problem! The nurse could see me right away. Together, we looked over the numerous instructions (Enbrel had 4 steps this one has like 17!). The nurse said this was new for her too and pretty soon we were laughing at the over-kill on the steps! For instance, 'hold injector pen purple side up and check if fluid is full'. The next step said 'hold injector pen gray side up and see if fluid is clear'. Were they serious?! Who edited this instruction pamphlet? By now we were really losing it and started dramatizing the steps so it only got worse from there. At last, through the giggling, the shot was administered.

When I came out of the nurses office, my daughter (who had driven me to the appointment due to my hands being 'out of order' because of an RA flare up) looked at me incredulously and asked "what were you doing in there? I could hear you laughing". So to end this blog I will say that,  if its true that laughter is the best medicine I should be feeling GREAT! I promise to keep you posted!

The Discovery

Nearly three years ago I developed a bad case of the flu that lasted longer than any other bout of flu I had ever experienced and it left me extremely weak and lethargic.  After recovery I continued to feel ‘slightly off’ and in need of lots of rest, etc. Then it hit again. This time I could hardly move in bed. The bed covers felt like they were made of lead. Getting up and down to the bathroom took huge effort. What was happening to me? Every movement was both painful and challenging. My husband had to assist me in the simplest tasks. Time to go to the Doctor!

The blood tests revealed I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. My immediate thought was – how bad can that be. Arthritis? People live with that everyday and this is not bad news at all. But after spending time with the doctor and doing my own research into the illness I began to realize that my life, as I knew it, may forever be changed.

Now came the trial and error of medication after medication. Every new med was to be given 3 – 6 months to determine if it was effective. This meant possibly 3 – 6 months of near immobility and challenging pain as the diagnosis advanced quickly to ‘moderate to severe RA’.

I was still working as an administrative assistant in a private school. Rising very early in the morning I would laboriously get ready for work. Miraculously I missed very little work and this is with great thanks to two dear co-workers. These dear women were so sensitive to my challenges. My office was upstairs and we rigged a way for me to pass papers down to the first floor when copies needed to be run, etc. If I was too weak to go to lunch they would bring me something from the cafeteria. Thank you to these dear women that I couldn’t have done without at this difficult time of adjustment.

Speaking of adjustment, anyone who has faced physical illness or chronic pain knows there are times of great fear. We also mourn for life as we knew it; having to deal with the learning curve on how to get things done with this uncooperative body and then, at last, the peace of acceptance. This cycle repeats itself again and again. Yet we steadily see that as a Christian, God’s Word is our anchor. I learned to memorize scriptures to repeat to myself during the long nights as I struggled to sleep through the pain. Psalm 34 and Psalm 103 were among my favorites and I worked to memorize these passages. Without God as my strength where would I be? He suffered for my sins and He was with me in this dark valley. I learned to hang on tight to His hand and focus on Him as Lord of my life and even as I continued/continue to pray for healing, I discovered afresh that HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! I will trust and submit and rest in Him.  

Herbal Arthritis Salve

My daughter and I are making an all natural arthritis salve. We bought the herbs from the Bulk Herb Store and while the crock pot is busy at work infusing the herby goodness into a mixture of olive and coconut oils, I'm excited to try out this salve and see how it works!

UPDATE: The salve is made and it filled 5 medium size tins. The salve has a strong herbal scent - maybe more lavender oil would tone this down. As for how it works, I've rubbed it into my hands, shoulders and my knees several times. RA is different from regular arthritis but I do find it makes a difference to my joints.  I use it at night before bedtime and have been happy with the results.