The Discovery

Nearly three years ago I developed a bad case of the flu that lasted longer than any other bout of flu I had ever experienced and it left me extremely weak and lethargic.  After recovery I continued to feel ‘slightly off’ and in need of lots of rest, etc. Then it hit again. This time I could hardly move in bed. The bed covers felt like they were made of lead. Getting up and down to the bathroom took huge effort. What was happening to me? Every movement was both painful and challenging. My husband had to assist me in the simplest tasks. Time to go to the Doctor!

The blood tests revealed I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. My immediate thought was – how bad can that be. Arthritis? People live with that everyday and this is not bad news at all. But after spending time with the doctor and doing my own research into the illness I began to realize that my life, as I knew it, may forever be changed.

Now came the trial and error of medication after medication. Every new med was to be given 3 – 6 months to determine if it was effective. This meant possibly 3 – 6 months of near immobility and challenging pain as the diagnosis advanced quickly to ‘moderate to severe RA’.

I was still working as an administrative assistant in a private school. Rising very early in the morning I would laboriously get ready for work. Miraculously I missed very little work and this is with great thanks to two dear co-workers. These dear women were so sensitive to my challenges. My office was upstairs and we rigged a way for me to pass papers down to the first floor when copies needed to be run, etc. If I was too weak to go to lunch they would bring me something from the cafeteria. Thank you to these dear women that I couldn’t have done without at this difficult time of adjustment.

Speaking of adjustment, anyone who has faced physical illness or chronic pain knows there are times of great fear. We also mourn for life as we knew it; having to deal with the learning curve on how to get things done with this uncooperative body and then, at last, the peace of acceptance. This cycle repeats itself again and again. Yet we steadily see that as a Christian, God’s Word is our anchor. I learned to memorize scriptures to repeat to myself during the long nights as I struggled to sleep through the pain. Psalm 34 and Psalm 103 were among my favorites and I worked to memorize these passages. Without God as my strength where would I be? He suffered for my sins and He was with me in this dark valley. I learned to hang on tight to His hand and focus on Him as Lord of my life and even as I continued/continue to pray for healing, I discovered afresh that HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! I will trust and submit and rest in Him.