Changes

Change - something different; A new life chapter.

Some changes we see coming on the horizon. We anticipate and plan necessary adjustments to this coming new thing. Our brains wrap around what will be different in our lives. It may be a life event that we anticipate with great joy and expectation...

Other life changes are BAM! We were here and now we're there; We were doing this and now we aren't; We had this person in our lives and now we must live without them. Abrupt. Shocking. Good... Yes good, because God is with us. He is holding our hand and He was not surprised by this change - He is working it for good in our lives whether we can wrap our understanding around it or not. How beautiful the verse is "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:7)

These abrupt changes cause our human mind to desire to understand, to regain control, to plan and figure it out, to move ahead in our flesh. God's Spirit within us reminds us instead to rest in Him and His faithfulness; to know He has a plan and is in control and knows every step we will ever take EVER. Hebrews 4:9-10 says, "There remains therefore a rest for the people of God, For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His" and Isaiah 30:15 reminds us that "in quietness and confidence shall be your strength". When I rest in the Lord the whirlwind in my mind quiets. I become confident that God is not dismayed by this turn of events and He is upholding me - covering me with His wings and working this for good in my life. Ahhh! Deep breath and sigh of thanksgiving.

Opening His Word I find verses that minister to me and that I can hang onto through this change. They are promises. More real than any situation I face. So I take those first faltering steps and grasp His hand and look up at Him and then take another step and another and little by little I move forward and begin to relish in His peaceful presence guiding. Ahhh! Another deep breath and sigh of thanksgiving...maybe I am even to the point where I speak my gratefulness.

The Bible...those verses He shows me and I highlight in my Bible, or write them down to carry in my pocket and remind me every time I look at them, that God is faithful and He loves me! Me, an unworthy sinner that he plucked out of the lost world and put His holiness upon me because of what Jesus did for me on the cross! Ahhh! Another deep breath and more thanksgiving - maybe now I am singing praises to God with tears of joy flowing.

Change - it will always be. Thank you dear Lord that you are ALWAYS and forever God! You are God and there is no other. "Who is like You, Lord God Almighty? You Lord are mighty and Your faithfulness surrounds You. (Psalm 89:8). You are already there in this change holding me. I will hold on to You too!

Yikes! Technology!

Does anyone else out there feel like the technological world is passing you by...For instance now there are phones with apps that do everything except brush your teeth and tuck you in at night. I remember mimeographs, for heaven's sake - I would spell check that but I'm sure that word is too ancient for my computer spell check to even recognize. How about IBM Selectric typewriters? Wow, those things were something and they even had a correction ribbon built right in!

The other night I went to a movie and two "20 somethings" were sitting in front of me waiting for the show to start. A guy and a girl - maybe a date? If it was a date it was pretty sad because they both sat there madly texting on their own phones. I kept waiting for them to converse with each other but NOPE the people they were texting with on their phones were more important to them, or even sadder maybe they were texting each other because they don't know how to look each other in the eye! Take a clue people. We need to TALK; more face to face interaction before the art of conversation is lost entirely. Oh and spelling words out correctly is a thing of the past - everything has an abbreviation. I'd give you an example but because this blog is about how I don't get it then I can safely admit that I don't know what some of the abbreviations stand for. For instance when someone put LOL I thought they meant lots of luck for the longest time! Yup, I'm that old person with the confused look on my face trying to read messages that are cryptically written. Hope they aren't letting me know I just won a million dollars because I just night hit 'delete".

Another lost art is note writing. Taking a minute to say "Hi, I was thinking of you" in a note card that requires a stamp and an envelope. Don't you just love getting a handwritten card in the mail? I do! Instead we rely on emails which makes perfect sense, it really does, you don't need to wait for several days to get a reply to your letter. Instant gratification! I email my sisters almost daily. I love that we can stay in touch so easily but getting that personalized note card or birthday card is such a treat.

The other day I was thinking that this young generation will someday be standing in my shoes trying to figure out how technology left them in the dark. They will be saying "remember the days when we had our I-Pads and I-phones? Remember how we used Email, for heavens sake"?

Drama, Drama, Drama!

Some days just seem full of drama. Once my daughter Joanne described her toddler daughter as 'living in a glass house of emotions' that day. Don't we all have those days?

It isn't the huge life changing issues that I'm referring to here - that falls into an entirely different category. I am talking about the things that are bugging us at the moment. A messy bathroom left for you to clean up, someone ate the last of the ice cream (it might have been you the night before, but still!...), the car is making a funny noise, the meatloaf burned, the kids have been stepping on every last nerve you have or you just had an ugly disagreement with your teenager. You think longingly of the Sandals Resort commercial only you consider going alone a nice idea, because you just aren't in the mood to deal with anybody, at least at the moment.

I think that is the key phrase - at the moment.  It is a moment, a temporary situation. If we dwell on that moment and give it more fuel by pestering it mentally to death then we will find the next drama-moment will bug us even worse. We will enter a downward spiral. Instead, we need to de-rail the effects of the drama and recognize things for what they are - usually small stuff and as the saying goes "don't sweat the small stuff - and it is all small stuff". We need to redirect our focus...For me, what works is to think of a praise song and start singing it - or recall a verse and meditate on it...This scrubs my mental clockwork and gets me back on track. That is the power of the Word of God. It is life changing and also moment changing.

I've been reading the Old Testament, and over and over the Israelites whine and complain - human nature rears its ugly head even in the midst of God's provision - sound familiar? It sure does to me. The temptation to focus on circumstances instead of AMAZING GOD!

A Bumpy (Lumpy) Ride!

What is this ugly lump on my hand? The first time I found one of these new strange lumps it was on my palm so I thought it might be a ganglion cyst. It wasn't painful except when I bumped or pressed it. I asked the doctor about it but she really didn't have any comment to offer me at that time. She just looked at it and gave a slight nod then wrote something on her ever-present computer. A friend of mine who is a nurse said in the olden days the treatment for ganglion cysts was to smash it with a heavy book. OUCH!

Shortly thereafter a lump appeared near my right elbow and at the same time my left elbow started to grow a twin. Good grief! This meant I could no longer comfortably lean on my elbows. Time for researching on the intenet. I discovered these lumps were a side effect of RA that many of us deal with. Since that time I have developed a few more nodules, especially in the joints on my hands. I no longer feel a sense of panic. Sure I don't like them but what can I do?

Sometimes I say to my husband "Why...?" followed by whatever is concerning me at the time (why this lump?; why am I so tired?, etc.). He answers patiently, "Honey, you have RA and this just comes with the territory." So I guess we are blazing new territories in our lives and will just have to figure it all out as we go along! It is called LIFE. Time to remind myself that "THIS is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

My Profit and Loss Margin

Is my glass half full or half empty? I was thinking about some of my losses and gains through the experience of dealing with RA and I wanted to share my reflections on the subject:

Here's what's lost:


long walks
the ability to get up easily from a chair
getting down on the floor to play with grandkids
some of the grandkid games that grammas play with them
energy and stamina to cook a big family meal
energy and stamina in general

Here's what I still have:

I can still walk - just not as far
I can still sit in a regular chair
I have grandkids and they love me (the feeling is moo-choo-wul)
There are plenty of games and activities I can still do with them
They take naps so I can take one at the same time
I am blessed with a dear husband, my family and dear friends
I can still cook and there is always "take out"

Here's what I've gained:

Realizing how many people love and support me
Increased creativity
Drawing closer to our dear and loving Lord
More compassion for those who are down and suffering
Deeper understanding of the Scriptures
Better realization of what really matters
More appreciation for each new day
More thankfulness for the day that has passed
    (as I retire for the night in my comfy bed)
Realizing that a merry heart really is like medicine (Prov 17:22)
Deeper love for my family and friends
More grace for how others, and myself, journey through life
     (and to have patience with the process)
Learning to trust the Lord more

So looking at these lists and seeing how much longer the last two are brings a tear to my eye and gratefulness to my heart. If these lists were placed on an old fashioned scale it would tip in the favor of GAIN!! I may have lost certain things but am so grateful for the lessons I am learning. Thank you Jesus that You are always with me and You have promised to "Never leave me or forsake me".

Please share a comment on your profit and loss margin - I would love to hear your thoughts. HUGS!

Bless the Lord oh my soul! Let all that is within me bless HIS holy name! Psalm 103

Decorating the Moon

When you get a flare-up of an auto-immune disease one of the first things the doctor prescribes is more prednisone until things get back under control. Those of you who have had this miracle drug know that with it comes a few negative side affects. One of them might be that you find your face has lost its natural contours and is now round until you taper back off the prednisone. This side affect is called "moon-face". All of a sudden, almost overnight, you look like you've put on several pounds and your face is all puffed up. Gosh, I wish the doctor would prescribe me my own make up artist!

But seeing how that is NOT the case and life must go on, I need to get ready to face the day. I've worn make up for years and for those of us who use these wonderful products it means on occasion we have to "decorate the moon". First, I study my face in the magnifying mirror - an added horror as I observe the swollen cheeks and sunken eyes, but a magnifying mirror is necessary at my age due to reduced vision! Oh well, on to the make up...after I put on foundation its time for some special affects. Where are those cheekbones for the cosmetic blush? Let's see, they should be about right here an inch or two under the eyes; which are sunken in a bit by the swollen flesh of my moon-face, but I forge on! After some deliberation I carefully place the blush to define some cheeks and create definition. (By tilting my head up and slightly to the side I can imagine I've succeeded in achieving the desired affect). Now it is time for eye make-up. Oh oh, with those sunken in eyes and dark circles it means I need to resort to a little concealer magic. Finally, a bit of lip color, add earrings and voila! I'm ready to face the day.

Recently I bought myself a great pair of sunglasses. Isn't it great that large sunglasses are back in style? Now if I could just see where I was going with them on indoors that would be terrific!

Maybe what I need to work on isn't my make up but instead is...I Peter 3:4 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

RA Patients Still GOT IT!

My sisters and I have had the discussion on what Edward Cullen finds sexy. For instance, Edward was supposedly drawn to Bella by her SCENT and not her looks. So does that mean that RA sufferers out there could have experienced a similar draw from Edward? Maybe "draw" isn't the best word to use as he strives to be a vegetarian vampire but might fall off the wagon at any moment and need the real deal!

Hey Edward, You like to dance but not Bella, so much! Good news big buddy, I still have some moves going for me...yup, you should see me dance to my favorite music... "doing the shuffle, the RA shuffle". It looks and is a little painful but sometimes the music just MOVES me! You know what I'm talking about! There is often a bit of noise involved coming from creaking joints that scream, "What the heck are you doing to us now?!" But, as I've never been one to listen - the DANCE goes on! Oh, Yeah Baby! And Edward, another big plus for me...I really LOVE baseball!

More good news - aging doesn't seem to be a factor for Edward where true love is concerned - he thought Bella's granny looked pretty hot in Bella's dream. Does Edward have xray vision or is that just Superman? (I wouldn't want him to see my lovely knee braces). Oh and hey Edward, I could carry your extra things in my walker basket for you. Then again you are incredibly strong so don't need any help in that department. In fact you could carry ME wherever I want to go. Which reminds me, I sure wouldn't mind seeing the views you showed Bella from the top of those huge trees in Twilight :-)

Isn't it fun to dream?

Walkers and Leg Braces

It has been over three years since the RA diagnosis. My new normal is so different than it use to be...I can't help wondering: Where will I be three years from now? Will I still be going to work everyday? Will I still be mobile and walking?

I fell a few weeks ago and ended up in the ER for xrays. The nurse when she checked me in gave me a special bracelet to wear that said "fall risk". I asked her if I could have a box of them so I could wear a fresh one everyday...she laughed like I was kidding.  They prescribed a walker for me to use as needed. Instead of one of those clunky silver things we purchased a fancier version from the drugstore. It has a seat, is bright red (my favorite color) with big wheels, and brakes thankfully! It has allowed me to feel safer taking walks in the neighborhood. If I tire there's a place to sit down...All of a sudden walking the mall won't seem such a daunting task - plus I have a little basket under the seat! Shopping, anyone?

A few days later I was sent to an orthopedic doctor to examine the xrays. He showed me that my kneecaps have moved towards the outside of my knees. It was shocking to see those images. They took me off guard. The doctor said physical therapy wouldn't help. It was how the disease was progressing in my case. NOW I understood the increased discomfort and why my knees feel so unstable.

My RA doctor asked me to start wearing knee braces in the hopes of holding the knees in place and perhaps keeping the kneecaps from displacing further. After the first few days, I adjusted to the bulk and feel of them AND they are helping. Because of the size of my knees I needed large braces but the poor nurse searched everwhere for two in size large but could only find one - so until my next visit I have one large and one extra large. I've discovered that when I wear them on bare skin they grip well and feel supportive but add quite a bit of bulk under my slacks or jeans. I tried wearing them over nylons with a skirt but the texture of the nylons allowed the extra large one to start slipping south - Wouldn't that make a lovely picture and a new way to fall down...I fell over my knee braces!? Explain THAT to the ER nurse or your friends!

I regret to say that the knee pain is not fun and often wakes me at night when my knees pop and move. It is easy to feel anxious over this new development. I have to remind myself that "in everything give thanks to the Lord". Everything means everything...He is holding me fast and if I cleave to Him the fear subsides. Fear is such an enemy to us and pulls our vision away from our Savior and onto the circumstances. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

You are a woman to LOVE

says Jack...And Diane Keaton, with a perplexed face, asks herself "what does that mean?"

(whine) I wanna go walking on the beach with my sweetie and pick up rocks - white, black or otherwise. Let's go! Hmmm....spontaneity - what a wonderful word. Just BEING together with the one you love. There is nothing quite like it. Especially if that person really "gets" you. Mike and I have had to learn to re-think spontaneity - its called spontaneity with forethought added in :-). Outings take more planning to accommodate my physical challenges. Keeping a sense of humor is very helpful but in all honesty we have both had times of mourning what is lost and what our new reality has become.

Those of you who know my husband Mike know that I am blessed. He is the dearest of men. We are best friends on this journey called life. Sadly, when you have RA, or any autoimmune disease, it doesn't just affect you. It affects your spouse too. Mike has had to take days off work to drive me to the doctor; he helps with housework chores that I can no longer manage (i.e. scrubbing the tub); he does the majority of the grocery shopping and has cooked many meals. He has managed to sleep beside me on my worst pain filled nights - loving me and praying for me. Maybe it is harder on the caregiver, when a flare is occurring, than the recipient of that care. I don't know the answer to that but sometimes I fear it is true.  But Mike has set his mind to accept the things we cannot change and to let God 'grow him up' through life experiences. He faithfully reads his Bible and encourages me daily and He still feels "I am a woman to love". What does that mean to me? That His love for me is a reflection of his love for God. It means that he has loved me through all the changes and we are still Valentines. For always and forever.

In this blog I just need to express my gratefulness for my husband. For this wonderful gift God gave me in His provision for my life mate. Thank you Lord!  My husband has such a courageous heart for You, Lord! I am truly blessed! ...Honey, I love you!

Make our Favorite Things our Everyday Things

When we moved from our fairly good sized home in Hemet to our little cabin getaway in Idyllwild we had to downsize dramatically. Where did we get all that stuff! It really was just stuff with some treasures tucked in. It was surprising what you can accumulate over the years. Did I really need to keep a lock of hair from the girl's first haircuts...yes...but there was plenty of other stuff that could go!

When it came to downsizing the kitchen this was a bit of a challenge. Our new home had 1/4 the cupboard space. So was I really going to need that apple coring machine? Nope! I have a perfectly good paring knife that will do the trick. I tried to view all my gadgets with a critical eye. Looking at my dishes I decided it was time to say goodbye to most things and start using my good china, that was my mother's. Use it everyday! Really enjoy those pretty dishes that usually were only set out for holidays. If a piece broke, oh well. Though they are nice dishes they are still just 'things' and who enjoys them when they're tucked away? My grandmother once said "there are no U-Hauls on the back of a hearse". Yup, no one takes 'stuff' with you and it is ALL JUST STUFF!  My treasures should be in heaven alone. It was time to enjoy these special things everday so into the garage sale pile the other dishes went.  It was a very cleansing thing to do.

My sister Marcia shared that her Bible study group had a discussion along that subject and here's a quote from one of her friend's mothers,"if you don't ever use it, then you never really owned it".  Isn't that a cool saying?!?

Every once in awhile it is time to re-think the inventory because it is easy to start re-accumulating things you just don't have room for. (Just ask my husband who could be nicknamed Mr. Toss-It-Out. In fact I better have a death grip on the arms of my chairs or I could end up in his next garage sale marked 'for sale CHEAP') Over the years, I have learned to tell my friends and family that if they are going to give me a gift, my favorite things are things that can be used up. Soaps, note cards, a gift certificate for a pedicure...those kinds of gifts are just the best, especially when you have a little house.

So please stop by sometime and we'll have a cup of tea and share some cookies on one of my now favorite/everyday china dessert plates. If something breaks - no worries - I have a setting for 12 so I should be good for awhile! :-)

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is there will your heart be also.   Matthew 6:18-21