Decorating the Moon

When you get a flare-up of an auto-immune disease one of the first things the doctor prescribes is more prednisone until things get back under control. Those of you who have had this miracle drug know that with it comes a few negative side affects. One of them might be that you find your face has lost its natural contours and is now round until you taper back off the prednisone. This side affect is called "moon-face". All of a sudden, almost overnight, you look like you've put on several pounds and your face is all puffed up. Gosh, I wish the doctor would prescribe me my own make up artist!

But seeing how that is NOT the case and life must go on, I need to get ready to face the day. I've worn make up for years and for those of us who use these wonderful products it means on occasion we have to "decorate the moon". First, I study my face in the magnifying mirror - an added horror as I observe the swollen cheeks and sunken eyes, but a magnifying mirror is necessary at my age due to reduced vision! Oh well, on to the make up...after I put on foundation its time for some special affects. Where are those cheekbones for the cosmetic blush? Let's see, they should be about right here an inch or two under the eyes; which are sunken in a bit by the swollen flesh of my moon-face, but I forge on! After some deliberation I carefully place the blush to define some cheeks and create definition. (By tilting my head up and slightly to the side I can imagine I've succeeded in achieving the desired affect). Now it is time for eye make-up. Oh oh, with those sunken in eyes and dark circles it means I need to resort to a little concealer magic. Finally, a bit of lip color, add earrings and voila! I'm ready to face the day.

Recently I bought myself a great pair of sunglasses. Isn't it great that large sunglasses are back in style? Now if I could just see where I was going with them on indoors that would be terrific!

Maybe what I need to work on isn't my make up but instead is...I Peter 3:4 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

RA Patients Still GOT IT!

My sisters and I have had the discussion on what Edward Cullen finds sexy. For instance, Edward was supposedly drawn to Bella by her SCENT and not her looks. So does that mean that RA sufferers out there could have experienced a similar draw from Edward? Maybe "draw" isn't the best word to use as he strives to be a vegetarian vampire but might fall off the wagon at any moment and need the real deal!

Hey Edward, You like to dance but not Bella, so much! Good news big buddy, I still have some moves going for me...yup, you should see me dance to my favorite music... "doing the shuffle, the RA shuffle". It looks and is a little painful but sometimes the music just MOVES me! You know what I'm talking about! There is often a bit of noise involved coming from creaking joints that scream, "What the heck are you doing to us now?!" But, as I've never been one to listen - the DANCE goes on! Oh, Yeah Baby! And Edward, another big plus for me...I really LOVE baseball!

More good news - aging doesn't seem to be a factor for Edward where true love is concerned - he thought Bella's granny looked pretty hot in Bella's dream. Does Edward have xray vision or is that just Superman? (I wouldn't want him to see my lovely knee braces). Oh and hey Edward, I could carry your extra things in my walker basket for you. Then again you are incredibly strong so don't need any help in that department. In fact you could carry ME wherever I want to go. Which reminds me, I sure wouldn't mind seeing the views you showed Bella from the top of those huge trees in Twilight :-)

Isn't it fun to dream?

Walkers and Leg Braces

It has been over three years since the RA diagnosis. My new normal is so different than it use to be...I can't help wondering: Where will I be three years from now? Will I still be going to work everyday? Will I still be mobile and walking?

I fell a few weeks ago and ended up in the ER for xrays. The nurse when she checked me in gave me a special bracelet to wear that said "fall risk". I asked her if I could have a box of them so I could wear a fresh one everyday...she laughed like I was kidding.  They prescribed a walker for me to use as needed. Instead of one of those clunky silver things we purchased a fancier version from the drugstore. It has a seat, is bright red (my favorite color) with big wheels, and brakes thankfully! It has allowed me to feel safer taking walks in the neighborhood. If I tire there's a place to sit down...All of a sudden walking the mall won't seem such a daunting task - plus I have a little basket under the seat! Shopping, anyone?

A few days later I was sent to an orthopedic doctor to examine the xrays. He showed me that my kneecaps have moved towards the outside of my knees. It was shocking to see those images. They took me off guard. The doctor said physical therapy wouldn't help. It was how the disease was progressing in my case. NOW I understood the increased discomfort and why my knees feel so unstable.

My RA doctor asked me to start wearing knee braces in the hopes of holding the knees in place and perhaps keeping the kneecaps from displacing further. After the first few days, I adjusted to the bulk and feel of them AND they are helping. Because of the size of my knees I needed large braces but the poor nurse searched everwhere for two in size large but could only find one - so until my next visit I have one large and one extra large. I've discovered that when I wear them on bare skin they grip well and feel supportive but add quite a bit of bulk under my slacks or jeans. I tried wearing them over nylons with a skirt but the texture of the nylons allowed the extra large one to start slipping south - Wouldn't that make a lovely picture and a new way to fall down...I fell over my knee braces!? Explain THAT to the ER nurse or your friends!

I regret to say that the knee pain is not fun and often wakes me at night when my knees pop and move. It is easy to feel anxious over this new development. I have to remind myself that "in everything give thanks to the Lord". Everything means everything...He is holding me fast and if I cleave to Him the fear subsides. Fear is such an enemy to us and pulls our vision away from our Savior and onto the circumstances. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

You are a woman to LOVE

says Jack...And Diane Keaton, with a perplexed face, asks herself "what does that mean?"

(whine) I wanna go walking on the beach with my sweetie and pick up rocks - white, black or otherwise. Let's go! Hmmm....spontaneity - what a wonderful word. Just BEING together with the one you love. There is nothing quite like it. Especially if that person really "gets" you. Mike and I have had to learn to re-think spontaneity - its called spontaneity with forethought added in :-). Outings take more planning to accommodate my physical challenges. Keeping a sense of humor is very helpful but in all honesty we have both had times of mourning what is lost and what our new reality has become.

Those of you who know my husband Mike know that I am blessed. He is the dearest of men. We are best friends on this journey called life. Sadly, when you have RA, or any autoimmune disease, it doesn't just affect you. It affects your spouse too. Mike has had to take days off work to drive me to the doctor; he helps with housework chores that I can no longer manage (i.e. scrubbing the tub); he does the majority of the grocery shopping and has cooked many meals. He has managed to sleep beside me on my worst pain filled nights - loving me and praying for me. Maybe it is harder on the caregiver, when a flare is occurring, than the recipient of that care. I don't know the answer to that but sometimes I fear it is true.  But Mike has set his mind to accept the things we cannot change and to let God 'grow him up' through life experiences. He faithfully reads his Bible and encourages me daily and He still feels "I am a woman to love". What does that mean to me? That His love for me is a reflection of his love for God. It means that he has loved me through all the changes and we are still Valentines. For always and forever.

In this blog I just need to express my gratefulness for my husband. For this wonderful gift God gave me in His provision for my life mate. Thank you Lord!  My husband has such a courageous heart for You, Lord! I am truly blessed! ...Honey, I love you!

Make our Favorite Things our Everyday Things

When we moved from our fairly good sized home in Hemet to our little cabin getaway in Idyllwild we had to downsize dramatically. Where did we get all that stuff! It really was just stuff with some treasures tucked in. It was surprising what you can accumulate over the years. Did I really need to keep a lock of hair from the girl's first haircuts...yes...but there was plenty of other stuff that could go!

When it came to downsizing the kitchen this was a bit of a challenge. Our new home had 1/4 the cupboard space. So was I really going to need that apple coring machine? Nope! I have a perfectly good paring knife that will do the trick. I tried to view all my gadgets with a critical eye. Looking at my dishes I decided it was time to say goodbye to most things and start using my good china, that was my mother's. Use it everyday! Really enjoy those pretty dishes that usually were only set out for holidays. If a piece broke, oh well. Though they are nice dishes they are still just 'things' and who enjoys them when they're tucked away? My grandmother once said "there are no U-Hauls on the back of a hearse". Yup, no one takes 'stuff' with you and it is ALL JUST STUFF!  My treasures should be in heaven alone. It was time to enjoy these special things everday so into the garage sale pile the other dishes went.  It was a very cleansing thing to do.

My sister Marcia shared that her Bible study group had a discussion along that subject and here's a quote from one of her friend's mothers,"if you don't ever use it, then you never really owned it".  Isn't that a cool saying?!?

Every once in awhile it is time to re-think the inventory because it is easy to start re-accumulating things you just don't have room for. (Just ask my husband who could be nicknamed Mr. Toss-It-Out. In fact I better have a death grip on the arms of my chairs or I could end up in his next garage sale marked 'for sale CHEAP') Over the years, I have learned to tell my friends and family that if they are going to give me a gift, my favorite things are things that can be used up. Soaps, note cards, a gift certificate for a pedicure...those kinds of gifts are just the best, especially when you have a little house.

So please stop by sometime and we'll have a cup of tea and share some cookies on one of my now favorite/everyday china dessert plates. If something breaks - no worries - I have a setting for 12 so I should be good for awhile! :-)

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is there will your heart be also.   Matthew 6:18-21

Put Down the Donut and Stop the Train Wreck!

Well, time to 'fess up'. Since the beginning of October, through sister reunion and on, my eating plan has been a train-wreck! The good thing about this is that there are so many lessons to be learned. For instance, discipline, self-control and responsibility. What had happened is I had gone back to the "diet mentality" which translates to: good times (eating according to plan) versus bad times (being out of control and eating whatever whenever). UGLY!

For several months I was cautious with what I ate. Did the food decrease inflammation? Then it was a good choice. Did the food cause inflammation? Then AVOID at all costs. I felt better with less swelling, more stamina and energy. So good eating and foregoing culprit foods was well worth the sacrifice. The rheaumatoid arthritis wasn't cured but it was more manageable. Here was the natural way to add to my healing and health.

Then, within a short time on the Humira, I discovered something wonderful - it was working! YES! AWESOME! I also found that when I ate a forbidden food it didn't cause me to flare up with pain. YAHOO! So, consequently, one bad food choice led to another and to another...until the train derailed! My body started suffering and inflammation and pain grabbed hold again. Ouch!

So what have I been learning? That now is the time to learn balance. Its great that there are times when I can enjoy sugar, wheat or dairy but beware of my old mindset that causes the train to derail - that old "all or nothing" mentality with eating. For years this was how I was with weight loss diets - This isn't about that anymore. It is about feeling better and experiencing less pain. Thankfully, the foods that reduce inflammation taste great. They are healthy, nourishing foods that heal and build the body. They are the foods that should make up the majority of my diet.

BUT - When there's a special event then enjoy - participate but don't be a train wreck! Get back on track and move forward. I'm in my late 50's and only God knows the number of my days. Wouldn't it be great to know that good choices dietarily could mean I would have the best health possible as the years progress? The answer to that is a resounding YES!

"Blessed is the one whom God corrects, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty" Job 5: 16

Exercising - My Way

Every RA article you read includes a reminder to exercise. In the days prior to my life changing diagnosis, lengthly walks were one of my favorite pasttimes. There was always so much to see and hear as you walked along enjoying the view and fresh air. If someone asked me what I miss most prior to RA, it would be my solitary walks. It was therapuetic thinking and praying time for me. It was restorative, energizing, and the list goes on...Ahhh!!!!

So now I'm encouraged to continue exercising but I am learning how to modify traditional exercise to an RA friendly version that can be effective for me now. For example:

Exercise #1: Morning stretches- Several years ago, my chiropractor taught me some preventative stretching exercises to help my lower back. I still do these stretches every single morning before getting up. Although the location has changed from the floor to the bed (I'd like to get on the floor but that would mean I'd have to get UP from the floor! Now, THAT would be heart pumping exercise!).

Exercise #2: Standing up straight - who'd of thunk it but that is exercise for me. Getting and keeping my shoulders properly positioned and my back erect takes more effort now and "muscle memory" throughout the day. Anyone who has dealt with chronic pain knows it makes you curl forward - sort of in a self protecting stance. To straighten up with correct posture takes effort and even more effort to maintain. So to me this is exercise to work at throughout the day. "Sit up straight", yup, Mom was right!

Exercise #3: Walking - I still go for walks but sometimes I might need a cane. Now I walk with a slow, deliberate pace instead of fast and energetic like the old days, but believe me I'm still expending a lot of  energy. When time allows I will walk a bit on my lunch hour. There is an area near my office building that is fairly flat and easy for me to handle. The hills of Idyllwild are presently too difficult for me. Strangely I can handle the "up" pretty well but the "down" side is painful on my knees and legs.  AND what goes up must come down!

Exercise #4: Yoga for Arthritis - My younger daughter gave me this great DVD and I can do a few segments of it pretty well. I love the reminder to breathe through every movement. Just breathe! Such a restorative thing to do as I fill my lungs with good air and in the exhale, release tension and pain. Wonderfully restful yet energizing!

It is a treat when we plan a shopping day and I can manage the walking that entails but I have learned now more than ever that we live just one day at a time. I try and enjoy the day out, and though there might be a few rest stops needed, it is wonderful to be with a family member or a friend for the day.

I'll try to keep focusing on God's amazing wonderfulness and see the gift of each day as it is precious and not to be squandered. OOPS! I should add Exercise #5 which is the most important! Keep the Faith!