A Tribute to Daddy

My precious and amazing Dad! It was December 19th of 2012 that Dad passed from this life into His eternal home with the Lord. He was 85.

This man who through much adversity and many adventures in living discovered that the joy of the Lord was His strength - every day. That the time spent on this earth was not to be without purpose.

There are so many memories we have of growing up with Daddy. One of my favorite things was that, of four daughters all of whom he loved equally, I got to share his birthday! He was a fun-loving adventurous spirit that liked to push the envelope.

A few favorite memories:

Swimming with Dad in the Gulf of Mexico off the Florida coast. A crazy storm had come up and the waves were huge. Dad and I got out there on a small but sturdy raft. The waves were crashing over us and we had a blast...over and over we went out there laughing in our adventure until we crashed into a piling covered with barnacles. My leg was cut in several places but after looking at each other for a minute we said - "let's go for it" and got back out there! Good grief! There could have been sharks and I was sending them an open invitation for lunch...on me!

When we drove to Gramma and Grampa McComb's cabin there were three ice cream stands on the route. We always stopped for one along the way but one time we stopped at all three and we had a contest to see if we could make ours last til the next stop.

When he would come home from work he would chase us all around the house acting like a dangerous monster, laughing and roaring. Much to our delight we would run and hide and laugh and get caught and tickled and off we would go again.

Surprising our two daughters by having Dad come to the house early on a school day and announce "I'm going to Disneyland" and much to the children's delight we piled into the car and off we went for a wonderful day!

So many favorite memories that I could share if room allowed!

Dad loved his precious savior and Lord Jesus whom he dedicated his life to serve. His most recent ministry for the past several years was as an ambassador for Gospel for Asia. He loved this ministry and the work they accomplish to bring the good news to Asian countries through the work of indigenous missionaries that need our support. The children who are touched by the Bridge of Hope program of GFA held his heart tightly as he sought families to support these precious little ones who needed a helping hand.  Daddy loved his family and showed us all, by his example, to be grateful, to count our blessings and most of all to love the Lord and seek to serve Him in truth with all our hearts. I speak for all the family with these words: "We love you Daddy. We love you Grampa!"

Changes

Change - something different; A new life chapter.

Some changes we see coming on the horizon. We anticipate and plan necessary adjustments to this coming new thing. Our brains wrap around what will be different in our lives. It may be a life event that we anticipate with great joy and expectation...

Other life changes are BAM! We were here and now we're there; We were doing this and now we aren't; We had this person in our lives and now we must live without them. Abrupt. Shocking. Good... Yes good, because God is with us. He is holding our hand and He was not surprised by this change - He is working it for good in our lives whether we can wrap our understanding around it or not. How beautiful the verse is "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:7)

These abrupt changes cause our human mind to desire to understand, to regain control, to plan and figure it out, to move ahead in our flesh. God's Spirit within us reminds us instead to rest in Him and His faithfulness; to know He has a plan and is in control and knows every step we will ever take EVER. Hebrews 4:9-10 says, "There remains therefore a rest for the people of God, For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His" and Isaiah 30:15 reminds us that "in quietness and confidence shall be your strength". When I rest in the Lord the whirlwind in my mind quiets. I become confident that God is not dismayed by this turn of events and He is upholding me - covering me with His wings and working this for good in my life. Ahhh! Deep breath and sigh of thanksgiving.

Opening His Word I find verses that minister to me and that I can hang onto through this change. They are promises. More real than any situation I face. So I take those first faltering steps and grasp His hand and look up at Him and then take another step and another and little by little I move forward and begin to relish in His peaceful presence guiding. Ahhh! Another deep breath and sigh of thanksgiving...maybe I am even to the point where I speak my gratefulness.

The Bible...those verses He shows me and I highlight in my Bible, or write them down to carry in my pocket and remind me every time I look at them, that God is faithful and He loves me! Me, an unworthy sinner that he plucked out of the lost world and put His holiness upon me because of what Jesus did for me on the cross! Ahhh! Another deep breath and more thanksgiving - maybe now I am singing praises to God with tears of joy flowing.

Change - it will always be. Thank you dear Lord that you are ALWAYS and forever God! You are God and there is no other. "Who is like You, Lord God Almighty? You Lord are mighty and Your faithfulness surrounds You. (Psalm 89:8). You are already there in this change holding me. I will hold on to You too!

Drama, Drama, Drama!

Some days just seem full of drama. Once my daughter Joanne described her toddler daughter as 'living in a glass house of emotions' that day. Don't we all have those days?

It isn't the huge life changing issues that I'm referring to here - that falls into an entirely different category. I am talking about the things that are bugging us at the moment. A messy bathroom left for you to clean up, someone ate the last of the ice cream (it might have been you the night before, but still!...), the car is making a funny noise, the meatloaf burned, the kids have been stepping on every last nerve you have or you just had an ugly disagreement with your teenager. You think longingly of the Sandals Resort commercial only you consider going alone a nice idea, because you just aren't in the mood to deal with anybody, at least at the moment.

I think that is the key phrase - at the moment.  It is a moment, a temporary situation. If we dwell on that moment and give it more fuel by pestering it mentally to death then we will find the next drama-moment will bug us even worse. We will enter a downward spiral. Instead, we need to de-rail the effects of the drama and recognize things for what they are - usually small stuff and as the saying goes "don't sweat the small stuff - and it is all small stuff". We need to redirect our focus...For me, what works is to think of a praise song and start singing it - or recall a verse and meditate on it...This scrubs my mental clockwork and gets me back on track. That is the power of the Word of God. It is life changing and also moment changing.

I've been reading the Old Testament, and over and over the Israelites whine and complain - human nature rears its ugly head even in the midst of God's provision - sound familiar? It sure does to me. The temptation to focus on circumstances instead of AMAZING GOD!

My Profit and Loss Margin

Is my glass half full or half empty? I was thinking about some of my losses and gains through the experience of dealing with RA and I wanted to share my reflections on the subject:

Here's what's lost:


long walks
the ability to get up easily from a chair
getting down on the floor to play with grandkids
some of the grandkid games that grammas play with them
energy and stamina to cook a big family meal
energy and stamina in general

Here's what I still have:

I can still walk - just not as far
I can still sit in a regular chair
I have grandkids and they love me (the feeling is moo-choo-wul)
There are plenty of games and activities I can still do with them
They take naps so I can take one at the same time
I am blessed with a dear husband, my family and dear friends
I can still cook and there is always "take out"

Here's what I've gained:

Realizing how many people love and support me
Increased creativity
Drawing closer to our dear and loving Lord
More compassion for those who are down and suffering
Deeper understanding of the Scriptures
Better realization of what really matters
More appreciation for each new day
More thankfulness for the day that has passed
    (as I retire for the night in my comfy bed)
Realizing that a merry heart really is like medicine (Prov 17:22)
Deeper love for my family and friends
More grace for how others, and myself, journey through life
     (and to have patience with the process)
Learning to trust the Lord more

So looking at these lists and seeing how much longer the last two are brings a tear to my eye and gratefulness to my heart. If these lists were placed on an old fashioned scale it would tip in the favor of GAIN!! I may have lost certain things but am so grateful for the lessons I am learning. Thank you Jesus that You are always with me and You have promised to "Never leave me or forsake me".

Please share a comment on your profit and loss margin - I would love to hear your thoughts. HUGS!

Bless the Lord oh my soul! Let all that is within me bless HIS holy name! Psalm 103

Decorating the Moon

When you get a flare-up of an auto-immune disease one of the first things the doctor prescribes is more prednisone until things get back under control. Those of you who have had this miracle drug know that with it comes a few negative side affects. One of them might be that you find your face has lost its natural contours and is now round until you taper back off the prednisone. This side affect is called "moon-face". All of a sudden, almost overnight, you look like you've put on several pounds and your face is all puffed up. Gosh, I wish the doctor would prescribe me my own make up artist!

But seeing how that is NOT the case and life must go on, I need to get ready to face the day. I've worn make up for years and for those of us who use these wonderful products it means on occasion we have to "decorate the moon". First, I study my face in the magnifying mirror - an added horror as I observe the swollen cheeks and sunken eyes, but a magnifying mirror is necessary at my age due to reduced vision! Oh well, on to the make up...after I put on foundation its time for some special affects. Where are those cheekbones for the cosmetic blush? Let's see, they should be about right here an inch or two under the eyes; which are sunken in a bit by the swollen flesh of my moon-face, but I forge on! After some deliberation I carefully place the blush to define some cheeks and create definition. (By tilting my head up and slightly to the side I can imagine I've succeeded in achieving the desired affect). Now it is time for eye make-up. Oh oh, with those sunken in eyes and dark circles it means I need to resort to a little concealer magic. Finally, a bit of lip color, add earrings and voila! I'm ready to face the day.

Recently I bought myself a great pair of sunglasses. Isn't it great that large sunglasses are back in style? Now if I could just see where I was going with them on indoors that would be terrific!

Maybe what I need to work on isn't my make up but instead is...I Peter 3:4 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Put Down the Donut and Stop the Train Wreck!

Well, time to 'fess up'. Since the beginning of October, through sister reunion and on, my eating plan has been a train-wreck! The good thing about this is that there are so many lessons to be learned. For instance, discipline, self-control and responsibility. What had happened is I had gone back to the "diet mentality" which translates to: good times (eating according to plan) versus bad times (being out of control and eating whatever whenever). UGLY!

For several months I was cautious with what I ate. Did the food decrease inflammation? Then it was a good choice. Did the food cause inflammation? Then AVOID at all costs. I felt better with less swelling, more stamina and energy. So good eating and foregoing culprit foods was well worth the sacrifice. The rheaumatoid arthritis wasn't cured but it was more manageable. Here was the natural way to add to my healing and health.

Then, within a short time on the Humira, I discovered something wonderful - it was working! YES! AWESOME! I also found that when I ate a forbidden food it didn't cause me to flare up with pain. YAHOO! So, consequently, one bad food choice led to another and to another...until the train derailed! My body started suffering and inflammation and pain grabbed hold again. Ouch!

So what have I been learning? That now is the time to learn balance. Its great that there are times when I can enjoy sugar, wheat or dairy but beware of my old mindset that causes the train to derail - that old "all or nothing" mentality with eating. For years this was how I was with weight loss diets - This isn't about that anymore. It is about feeling better and experiencing less pain. Thankfully, the foods that reduce inflammation taste great. They are healthy, nourishing foods that heal and build the body. They are the foods that should make up the majority of my diet.

BUT - When there's a special event then enjoy - participate but don't be a train wreck! Get back on track and move forward. I'm in my late 50's and only God knows the number of my days. Wouldn't it be great to know that good choices dietarily could mean I would have the best health possible as the years progress? The answer to that is a resounding YES!

"Blessed is the one whom God corrects, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty" Job 5: 16

Learning to deal with Stress

What had caused the RA gene inside of me to activate? Was there anything I could change in my lifestyle? How about stress? RA is very stressful due to the pain, swelling and demands on your physical and emotional self. And stress is an inducer to flare ups so one of the first things I focused on was how was I handling stresses in my life?

Everyone has issues that cause stress - family dynamics, our job, finances and life in general...but was I internalizing stress or was I truly a prayer warrior AND trusting in the Lord for His faithfulness? Go to the Word - that is where all answers can be found. I started challenging myself on whether I was a hearer of the Word or a doer of the Word. Now that I was faced with dibilitating health issues it challenged my faith on a whole new level. I must continue to stand on the promises of God. This doesn't just happen it takes practice and perseverence and continual reminding to yourself. Did I grasp that suffering was not something to fear but a way to draw me deeper into fellowship with my loving Savior? His Word IS truth! So the scriptures that I read began to take on stronger deeper meaning. What did I have to fear? Fear is a huge stressor. Fear of the unknown. We all deal with this but we can grow more and more victorious through this. God never fails. He is never surprised at what is happening. He never says - "Whoa, what happened here?" He is omnicient, omnipresent and omnipotent. Did I realize that I control very little in my life but He controls everything all the time! There is a saying "focus on your problems and God seems small, focus on God and your problems are small". This is so true.

What is helpful to me that you might want to try if you haven't already, is to write down scriptures that speak to your heart. Tape the verse on your mirror or put it in your pocket to take out and reflect on several times a day. How helpful these steps proved to me because pain makes you forget quickly and pulls your focus. Fight the good fight of faith and use tools that are helpful to you on the battleground. We can know victory and peace - HIS peace that passes our frail human understanding. Of course I continue to pray for physical healing but nearly three years into this I can truly say, "Thank you Lord! I am grateful for the journey you are taking me on!" We can learn so much that we could never grasp during easy times. How fresh is the fragrance of the air after a storm, and rain and storms are necessary to keep things cleansed and watered. He has been cleansing and watering my soul - calling me to fellowship in His sufferings. This suffering of mine is small and insignificant in comparison to what He did for me on the cross. Yet He is always present and guiding me through every challenge.Thank you Lord!

The next thing I started trying to be aware of is to relax as much of my body as I could. Pain causes surrounding muscles and areas to tighten and I realized I needed to work on this. Good old Lamaze! BREATHE - deeply - BREATHE and release my muscles. This is challenging when there is pain but extremely helpful to aid our bodies towards rest.

SIMPLIFY - 'Keep it simple' is one of my husband's favorite sayings. Just ask our two daughters! Learning to simplify is key to dealing with RA. There have been days that getting through a work day uses up all my strength. So that means resting as soon as I get home and heading to bed with the chickens! Thankfully, my husband has been super understanding about picking up dinner on his way home or stopping at the grocery store if necessary. He is my hero! 

Another way to simplify is learning to prioritize family, church and work events. I love my grandchildren so much! But some days I must watch them play and love them from the armchair rather than playing a game on the floor. (Wait, what was I thinking? I can't get up from the floor without leaving all grace and dignity behind) So, thank goodness for books and that all three of my grandkids love to sit and read.

Be flexible with your lifestyle - My husband and I now leave functions early or beg off events entirely if my body is not up to cooperating. I had always been an avid walker prior to contracting RA and now there are days where walking through the grocery store feels like I have accomplished a great physical feat! I appreciate grocery carts in a whole new light - they work as excellent walkers!

The last thing I want to share is to give yourself permission to mourn, cry and lament when absolutely necessary and then get back on the trail of acknowledging God and His call on your life as soon as possible. Remember there are so many people who are in similar, and sometimes far more challenging battles than you are. Count your blessings my dear sisters and brothers and never ever give up!

The Discovery

Nearly three years ago I developed a bad case of the flu that lasted longer than any other bout of flu I had ever experienced and it left me extremely weak and lethargic.  After recovery I continued to feel ‘slightly off’ and in need of lots of rest, etc. Then it hit again. This time I could hardly move in bed. The bed covers felt like they were made of lead. Getting up and down to the bathroom took huge effort. What was happening to me? Every movement was both painful and challenging. My husband had to assist me in the simplest tasks. Time to go to the Doctor!

The blood tests revealed I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. My immediate thought was – how bad can that be. Arthritis? People live with that everyday and this is not bad news at all. But after spending time with the doctor and doing my own research into the illness I began to realize that my life, as I knew it, may forever be changed.

Now came the trial and error of medication after medication. Every new med was to be given 3 – 6 months to determine if it was effective. This meant possibly 3 – 6 months of near immobility and challenging pain as the diagnosis advanced quickly to ‘moderate to severe RA’.

I was still working as an administrative assistant in a private school. Rising very early in the morning I would laboriously get ready for work. Miraculously I missed very little work and this is with great thanks to two dear co-workers. These dear women were so sensitive to my challenges. My office was upstairs and we rigged a way for me to pass papers down to the first floor when copies needed to be run, etc. If I was too weak to go to lunch they would bring me something from the cafeteria. Thank you to these dear women that I couldn’t have done without at this difficult time of adjustment.

Speaking of adjustment, anyone who has faced physical illness or chronic pain knows there are times of great fear. We also mourn for life as we knew it; having to deal with the learning curve on how to get things done with this uncooperative body and then, at last, the peace of acceptance. This cycle repeats itself again and again. Yet we steadily see that as a Christian, God’s Word is our anchor. I learned to memorize scriptures to repeat to myself during the long nights as I struggled to sleep through the pain. Psalm 34 and Psalm 103 were among my favorites and I worked to memorize these passages. Without God as my strength where would I be? He suffered for my sins and He was with me in this dark valley. I learned to hang on tight to His hand and focus on Him as Lord of my life and even as I continued/continue to pray for healing, I discovered afresh that HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! I will trust and submit and rest in Him.